I was chatting with my accountant yesterday about our financial situation, where we are, where we will be by the end of the year with lots of random questions (on my part) to try and suss out any of the fun surprises that sometimes pop up at the end of the year that manifest themselves in "finding" money, that "pit of the stomach" thing and more. You are probably familiar with those sensations. I am "surprised" on a regular basis, and find that this preventative chitchat can at least prepare me if not ameliorate the causes.
And, as we often do, we started talking about how we are feeling about our place on this spinning orb. My accountant is a "take no prisoners", take charge woman who has pulled herself up by her bootstraps and has carved out an interesting and entrepeneurial place for herself. She reads voraciously. She consults psychics. She is a member of the town council in her little village. She made bread for a living when she was a farmer hippie mama. She is a grandma. Interesting person who has gotten around. I was saying that I was feeling very untethered and unsettled. Somehow feeling as if time is passing by in this beautiful place and I couldn't quite get a hook into it. I mentioned that it wasn't that we were bored or not busy-- and she agreed with all of these things..and couldn't fathom this feeling of randomness. No sense of traction--no sense of moving forward--with things in resolution or resolved. Is it the world we are living in? The path isn't clear. Is it our inability to make change happen except on a very local and granular level? Is it that change and positive energy is reduced now? Is it where the moon is? Does religion come into this?
I find thinking about making pictures, reading semi trashy books, and hanging out with my little fam is the closest I get to getting a hook into all of this and getting some sort of anchor. Am I the only one feeling this way? Are you?
Image is Ghirlandaio